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Joke of the Day

"My ex claimed I had a 'hero' complex, but whatever I think wearing my underwear on the outside of my pants is a bold & brave fashion choice"

"Was told to fuck bitches and get money. All I got was charged with bestiality"

"There are a lot of deadbeat dads out there trying to make up for lost time by ""liking"" their grown children's facebook updates."

"What type of rock is this Holmes? It's sedimentary my dear Watson!"

"So I found out about this huge magnet near my house. It's called a Walmart and it pulls all the fat people in my town close to it."

"What do you call a socialite stripper? a peeler of the community!"

"Me: Sometimes I think I have more imaginary conversations than real ones. Scarlett Johansson: That's very interesting."

"I walked a girl home last night, and things got a little awkward at one point. She turned around and found out I was walking her home."

"I'm not sexist. Sexism is wrong. ...and being wrong is for women!"

"Twitter comedian: I'm the greatest tweeter alive! Kanye: Even I don't want that title."