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Joke of the Day

"Karen: Are we ok? Me: [removes earbud] Yes. Karen: It's just that you named a Spotify playlist ""LET'S GET DIVORCED"""

"Why couldn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? [x-post from r/gratefuldead ] Because he was too far out man!"

"So, I met this Dutch girl with inflatable shoes the other day.... ....I called her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs."

"Once, a bucket of Sodium Hydroxide slipped out of Skrillex's hands. He dropped the base."

"What kind of apple isn't an apple? A pineapple."

"Tech Support: ""Which format are the images you send?"" Customer: ""Rectangular 15x11 centimeters."""

"How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging? Take away it's credit cards."

"What does an expensive circumcision have in common with a cheap circumcision? They're both a rip-off."

"Jobs that do not exist anymore Steve"

"Jurassic Park, but all of the raptors are played by Jim Carrey."