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Joke of the Day

"I was thinking about robbing this sperm bank, but I think they've already seen me coming."

"Galactus is about to eat our solar system when he flips over the label WARNING: CONTAINS MERCURY ""No thanks, I'll eat something else."""

"If you get a divorce in Arkansas... ... is she still your sister?"

"Girl, are you an iron-bearing ore? Because when I smelt you, I got taken to a whole other level of civilization.."

"I'm a simple man *bites a pinecone* I enjoy simple things *tosses a gun into a lake* that's why I decided to let these bees live in my skull"

"What did the pedophile from Ireland say? Irish I was a little boy."

"I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it."

"I think I'm finally becoming more mature. Now when I watch Spongebob I usually agree with Squidward."

"Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you"

"Why did the Pepsi Half-Time Show suck so much? Because if it was the Coke Half-Time there would have been a hologram of Tupac or the Beetles instead of Bruno Mars."