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Joke of the Day

"[paddling along the amazon silently in a kayak] wife: ""it's so beautiful"" me: ""can you believe they named this after a website?"""

"How do people want Trump right now? [removed]"

"I remember when ""Something's eating up data."" meant that guy from Star Trek was deeply troubled."

"The people who think Obamacare is failing thought George W. Bush was succeeding."

"What do my girlfriend and Jesus have in common? Not sure if either of them came once, but I know they haven't come a second time."

"Today I learned my laser pointer can go all the way to the bar across the street. Drunk people still think there's a sniper somewhere."

"(climbing out of my coffin) I'm sure you all have a lot of questions, but firstly the reason I faked my death is- [nobody is at my funeral]"

"If Kevin Spacey doesn't sign his name like this Kevin E Then he's pretty damn stupid..."

"Starting a blog that's just reviews of the food I steal out of the fridge at work."

"What's the one thing pacifism and Hinduism have in common? Those who practice them don't want any beef with people."