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Joke of the Day
"An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids were nothing to look at either."
Next Joke
"The thing that frightens me the most about being brutally murdered is having Nancy Grace screeching about the details of it on primetime tv."
"Me: Go to bed 5-year-old: One more question Me: Fine 5: Who would win if Luke Skywalker fought Harry Potter? Me 5: Me: Get some coffee"
"How do you pick up older Spanish women? Hola Seniority"
"*someone hands me a baby* Oh... no thank you *places baby on the ground*"
"Don't stand in the rain if you're stuck in a shit storm"
"What do you call a woman with a bicycle on her head ? Petal !"
"heard this on Storage Wars A Chinese couple own a restaurant, they're in the bedroom and the husband asks if they can 69 and the wife says why you want beef and broccoli now?"
"If you're not into barrier reefs you will HATE the Great Barrier Reef"
"Me: I hope you pee your pants, teach you not to hold it in! My daughter: You shouldn't wish for that..you're the one that does the laundry!"