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Joke of the Day

"An honest driving school would name itself How to Drive When Cops Are Around School."

"1st day of middle school & my son REALLY didn't want to get picked on but he's dressed like a dorkwad & I couldn't help myself."

"'Ghost In The Shell' ran tests to make white actors look asian. Turns out actors aren't very good at math."

"I slept like a baby last night. I pooped my pants and cried myself to sleep."

"Son, we don't play Hungry Hungry Hippos for ""fun."" We play it to learn how friends turn on each other in moments of desperation and scarcity"

"The key to Simon & Garfunkel's success was that one was big and one was small. Before, duos were always the same size. They changed the game"

"What does a cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his butt"

"Date: Are you ready to take on another man's child? Me: yes Later- Date: This is.. *I knock her kid out with one punch Me: too easy!"

"Just came into a HUGH sum of money... I'm an ant and its a penny."

"[fixing your car stereo] Ah here's the problem [ejects Pitbull CD]"