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Joke of the Day

"My dad just told me this one. What do Justin Beiber and Christmas trees have in common? Their balls are only for decoration."

"According to my FitBit, last week I burned 23 calories and my Ex's house."

"they say penguins mate for life, but that's bullshit cause my penguin left me first chance she had"

"What's Donald Trump's favorite Pink Floyd Album? The Dark Side of the Moon... What a filthy casual."

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? because they are ugly and they smell bad"

"We've all seen that person on Social Media who likes to debate things as if they are a college professor. Dude...you're arguing with someone who uses ""dat"""

"""911 what's your emergency"" IM DYING ""what happened"" I GOT STABBED LIKE 3 TIMES ""lol pics or didn't happen"""

"FITNESS TIP: Stretching is important. Stretch out flat on your back. Stretch your eyelids over your eyes. Stretch a blanket over your body."

"Customer: Why doesn't your menu list prices? Waiter: We didn't want to make you sick before the food does."

"irony - Using words to mean the opposite of their literal meaning. ironey - Made of iron."