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Joke of the Day

"I'm obsessed with you. Not like peak through your window obsesseHEY I LIKE THAT DRESS WEAR THAT ONE"

"Life hack: Stare into your Uber driver's eyes through the rear view mirror the entire time."

"Why do the Japanese have squinty eyes? Becuase atomic bombs are bright."

"Playboy is starting a new magazine specifically for married men. It has the same centerfold every month!"

"Which whiskey should you buy if you want to dance all night? Wild Twerky!"

"What did they find in the toilet in the star ship Enterprise? The captain's log."

"I work at an investment firm We got a new CIO to head up the Agriculture/Farm investment team. He reports to the EIEIO."

"How do you tune a fish? With its scales!"

"If someone knocks on your door, knock back from the other side. That someone will go away. It works. Trust me, I just tried it this morning."

"How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass? Surprisingly pleasing."