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Joke of the Day

"Turns out ""pick the biggest one & punch him in the face"" gets you more respect as a new prisoner than as a new 1st grade substitute teacher."

"if accidentally consumed consult a doctor immediately, phew good thing i did it on purpose"

"Boss: ok just bear with me *I growl and start clawing the air* B: wtf are you doing Me: I..You said.. B:first snail mail' now this..Just go"

"What is it called when you give money to a plains bison? A buffaloan!"

"Why did the Irish call their currency the ""Punt"" ? Because it rhymes with Bank Manager"

"My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder."

"If you put on BBC news and told me it was Downton Abbey, I'd watch for like 20 min before I asked ""For real, tho?"""

"Last night I had an Ant on me... Okay, I guess she was more of a Cougar."

"Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit."

"How many guys does it take to open a beer? None, it should be open when she brings it to you."