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Joke of the Day

"Oh good, a gift card to Arby's. *waits for their birthday* Them: Thanks Aimee for the... *opens box* (cat hair pasted to paper & framed)"

"""Wolfgang Mozart"", says Mozart's friend... ""What?!"" replies Mozart. Then they are both eaten by a gang of wolves."

"Did I ever post my Alzheimer's joke?"

"Q: What kind of court order would be placed on a pig in order to prevent it from taking a specific course of action? A: An inj-oink-tion."

"Therapist: We must remove our masks and express our true selves Yoga instructor: True Nutritionist: So wise Raccoon: This is bullshit, Alan"

"Why are there no good jokes about the Jonestown Massacre? The punchline is too long."

"Jesus take the wheel. No that's a book. A penny. A rock. DAMMIT JESUS DIDN'T YOU TAKE THAT ENGLISH AS A SECOND LANGUAGE CLASS I RECOMMENDED"

"If I were a piano... ...I'd make sure my life ends on a high note."

"INTERVIEWER: Do you have any hidden talents? ME: I taught myself how to play piano INTERVIEWER: By ear? ME: No, just with my hands"

"Before meeting a hot chick, wish I could talk to the dude who's sick of her bullshit."