183816

Joke of the Day

"Okay, let's get this straight. There's no way EVERYONE has the best boyfriend in the world."

"Sometimes my sense of humour is so dark... ... It picks cotton"

"Just got a great deal on some bottled water. The store was having a liquidation sale."

"Before & after marriage Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue, O my darling! I love you... After Marriage: Roses are dead, I have flu, don't come near me, Paray hatt tuu,"

"Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets."

"My girlfriend complained we don't spend enough time together. So she came up with a perfect solution... ... and broke up with me."

"Irritating friend: I passed your house yesterday. Me: Thanks. I really appreciate that."

"Go full Balrog on your college midterms! And do not pass."

"How can you use a banana as a compass? Place a banana on the Berlin Wall. East is where a bite has been taken out of it. [Source](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/East_Germany_jokes)"

"I wanted to invest in Lumber Liquidators... But wood stock hasn't been viable sincs the 60s."