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Joke of the Day

"My teacher actually said this to us before out computing exam... Pupil: ""Will we be able to use the calculator in the exam?"" Sir: ""No, it will be disabled just like you"" No joke, he actually said that"

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"Where did Hitler put all the Jewish cats? Meowschwitz"
"So I blew positive for alcohol today and got arrested... Positive is my neighbor's dog's name"
"So glad Facebook has changed the layout again!! Said no one, ever..."
"Apparently it's okay for the office to have ""casual Friday's,"" but ""nudist Tuesday's"" are frowned upon. How embarrassing for me."
"What's the difference between family bonding and family bondage? One is forced and borderline torture, the other is sex."
"I thought my son would like that I bought him a trampoline, but oh no. He just wants to sit and cry in his wheelchair."
"*walks up to microphone during wedding reception* *taps on mic; everyone smiles* ""Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"""
"A few years back dos Equis asked me to be the spokesperson for their beer. I told them I wasn't interested."
"Did you hear they removed the essay portion from the SAT? Now it's just called the T"