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Joke of the Day
"who has two thumbs and loves stupid bets?? not me i lost mine in a bet"
Next Joke
"In last night's debate Rick Santorum said ""I can win blue states"" bwahahahahahahhahahha"
"Why did I join Twitter? Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family so I wanted to branch out."
"There are three kinds of people in New Zealand.. The racists, the big spiders, and the big racist spiders.."
"If anyone out there is named Aesop dear god please open a table store I have just the name for you."
"Diet tip: If you think you're hungry, you might just be thirsty. Have a bottle of wine first and then see how you feel."
"What do you call an origional joke on Reddit? Mine"
"Wanna know what it's like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal."
"*holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again."
"Q: What did the snail say when he jumped on the turtle's back? A: Wheeeeee!"