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Joke of the Day

"Saw two elementary students get in a fistfight so as an adult I had to step in. They didn't stand a chance"

"All I'm saying is if I'm not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign."

"What's the difference between an egg and a wank? You can beat an egg."

"Why weren't you at the Halloween party? My costume was a black father so I couldn't be there."

"You don't hear much from our Vice President.... Obama zipped him up and he's a-biden. Edit: typo. For you, grammar nazis."

"Lol how ""take you out"" could mean either we're going on a date or I'm gonna kill you."

"I was going to be a baker But I couldn't raise enough dough."

"In West Philadelphia born & raised/ through my anus is where I got most of my AIDS - Tom Hanks in Philadelphia'"

"Why is Quicksilver so fast? Because he's Russian"

"We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet"