182914

Joke of the Day

"Hell hath no fury like a 4 year old whose sandwich has been cut into squares when he wanted triangles."

"When a waitress asks if I'd like to hear about the specials, I politely explain that talking about retarded people ruins my appetite."

"I am black and my son stole my wallet. I don't know If I'm proud or mad."

"So far it's been an, ""I look okay enough to go to Walmart but not to go to Target"" kind of day."

"Life just handed me lemonade. Not sure what to do."

"A friend is in jail and I can't help feeling partially responsible because I framed him for murder."

"Today, I started on my second million dollars! I gave up on my first."

"What is the difference between a lentil and a chick pea? Well, for starters I would never pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"Matthew McConaughay is for Matthew McConaughorses"

"What if... ...the U.S. government builds a wall to keep the Americans in?"