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Joke of the Day

"Two goldfish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, ""Do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"Sure glad I filled my iPod with shit that I hate."

"What is the sound of one hand typing? Fap-fap-fap."

"I wish every time I made eye contact the Super Mario coin sound happened."

"How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them"

"What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? If you slap the mosquito it stops sucking"

"HELP!!! I've just spunked all over my mother's chest by accident whilst she was asleep. If she finds out, she's going to go fucking crazy. Anybody know how to clean cum off antique oak wood??"

"Things men would rather do than work to raise testicular cancer awareness: eat a sandwich, watch sports, fight, die of testicular cancer."

"I'd probably die of starvation in England I heard that face sitting is illegal."

"Did you hear about the missing dalmatian? It's been spotted."