182557

Joke of the Day

"An iphone user walks into a bar, a hotel, or a field. He's not too sure"

"What do you call a capital lambda? A sheep-da"

"How would Arnold Schwarzenegger describe a sousaphone? ""It's not a tuba!"""

"What's the best part about sleeping with a Cubs fan? They're used to disappointment."

"My dad just had thought surgery and i asked him if he could still talk he said yes, and i'm about to email the doctor to see if i can get my bribe back."

"That awkward moment when you can't decide if it's just a bad pic or you really look like that."

"I had a crazy dream last night that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. When I woke up I was, like, 0mg!"

"Tomorrow I am going to dig up and open the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. Cannot wait to see how big my puppy has gotten!"

"What kind of mane does a Chinese lion have? Lo mein."

"Sit in Starbucks and scream into your phone, ""What we need is fresh screenwriting talent! An unknown! Where on earth can we find it?"""