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Joke of the Day

"The Lord said unto John; ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal life."" But John came fifth and he won a toaster."

"The first messenger to say ""Don't kill the messenger"" definitely got killed in the face."

"If Donald Trump replaces Obama.... ...Does that mean Orange is the new Black?"

"""IT'S A BOY"" I shouted, tears rolling down my face ""I DON'T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!"" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again."

"What is the brown sticky stuff between an elephant's toes? Slow natives."

"*holding a glass of white wine with 2 hands like it's a mug of hot cocoa*"

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.... But then the librarian told me to take it out..."

"What do young female monsters do at parties ? They go around looking for edible bachelors !"

"How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out? Hide their trainers."

"Why do pedophiles have social anxiety? Because they have a hard time fitting in"