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Joke of the Day

"I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white."

"Back away slowly from the uncaffeinated woman."

"Ran into an ex-girlfriend. We talked, exchanged info, and she said her ""insurance would call"" me. Someones still carrying a torch!"

"Why can't you ever trust pillowcase salesmen? Because it might be a *sham*"

"makeup beauty Omg = oh my girl so cute next morning without makeup Omg = ohh My God omg/omg = life without wife"

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except marriage, marriage will kill you."

"I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open"

"What's better than a violin on your bed? A fiddle between the sheets"

"The dictator forced everyone to work in the butter industry. Some men just want to watch the world churn."

"I used to be in a band called Blank Cheque. After three years we were still unsigned."