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Joke of the Day

"How do you know when a joke becomes a dad joke? When the punchline becomes a parent."

"Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a magic spell' that would supposedly make women want to have sex with me. Worked like a fucking charm."

"No matter how powerless you feel, just think to yourself, one single pubic hair off of your body can shut down an entire restaurant."

"I told the bartender I'll have a Lou Gehrig's Disease. It's a tall glass of tequila. You drink half of it, stand up to make a speech, drink the second half of it, and you're dead."

"Are you a singularity? Not only are you attractive, but the closer I get to you, the faster time seems to slip by."

"I bet sex with a stingray is like fucking a giant pancake."

"You think your day was bad? I just had a 15 minute long argument with a couch cushion."

"A fish that goes against the current Dies electrocuted"

"911 - wats ur emergency? - i got stuck in some magnets 911 - who are u? - Iron man"

"Stop with the boxing jokes guys... You're beating a Mayweather's girlfriend here."