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Joke of the Day

"[In line at Starbucks] [Woman behind me talking] I work in an office with 50% men so- [Excitedly turn around] OMG YOU WORK WITH CENTAURS"

"Two flies were dining on a turd.... One fly lifts up his leg and farts. The other fly says , "" Hey! I'm trying to eat over here!!!"""

"My wife calls it ""woman's intuition"" but I call it ""not clearing your browser history."""

"All those who proclaim that a dog is man's best friend, Have never played with a pussy."

"Did you know that the word ""suns"" upside down is still ""suns""?"

"*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food."

"IF all women are crazy... Then... You might as well pick a pretty one."

"Who is Gary Johnson? I don't Aleppknow"

"I orgasmed during the sermon today. It was my cum to Jesus moment."

"At what time do most people go to the dentist? At tooth-hurty (2:30)."