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Joke of the Day

"Congratulations to Janet Jackson for having a baby at age 50! When I was 50, I wasn't even strong enough to push a child out of my way."

"Went to the zoo last week and all they had was one animal and it was a dog... It was a shih tzu."

"What is robot jazz called? Beep Boop Bop!"

"To the handicapped guy that took my bag! ( ) You can hide but you can't run!"

"The painters I just got my house painted, and they gave me a bill that said $0. I asked them, ""Why aren't you charging me for the paint?"" They said, ""Don't worry about it, it's on the house."""

"What fills the entire volume of its container and may become volatile and explosive when compressed? NYC subway commuters."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies in the trunk of your car."

"Her: You know, alot of men are going to be miserable when I marry. Me: Well how many men do you plan to marry?"

"I think it's pretty cool how the Chinese made a language... ...entirely out of tattoos."

"Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they're the problem is the other half."