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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the new Jason Bourne movie, still Bourne? It was set to come out next year but the plan was aborted"

"What gets really high in Colorado? The average elevation."

"How to catch a polar bear Cut a hole in the ice. Surround the hole with frozen peas. When the bear walks up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole!"

"[funeral] He looks so natural. Ya, but he looks a little stiff. *raises from the dead* ""That's what... *gargle* ...she said."" *dies again*"

"I play a song, nobody likes it. One week later, every cunt likes it."

"Why didn't the Asian man cry when his wife died? Because he just couldn't bereave it."

"What does a baby look like in a microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"Two Goldfish were in a tank. What did one fish ask the other? So how do you drive this thing?"

"There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you. It's a Cos-Bee."

"Why is it a bad idea to date a girl from the leper colony ? Whenever they get upset, they cry their eyes out."