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Joke of the Day

"Say what you will about prostitutes... ...those guys are fucking professionals."

"What's a reporter's favorite food? Ice cream because they always want a scoop!"

"Nike actually called me and asked me to stop doing it."

"Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity."

"Has the airplane joke been posted yet? Eh never mind, it'll go over your head."

"How many policemen does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just beat the room for being black."

"What's the difference between a priest and a pimple? At least the pimple waits until you are 14 before it cums on your face."

"I bought a Valentine's Day card for everyone at our local Tourettes Society. It's the thought that cunts!"

"When a tramp, covered in his own piss shouts at you, you don't take it personally. So why are you ever offended by idiots on Twitter?"

"Did you hear about the new cure for diarrhea? They're calling it ""Gone-o-Rhea."""