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Joke of the Day
"Why did the packaged green onion get into trouble? Because it was a wrapped scallion."
Next Joke
"When I first meet someone I always want to talk about that movie with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio... but the Titanic is a terrible ice breaker."
"LPT: If you're single this weekend, remember... Name your hands and you'll have an instant threesome! Happy Valentine's day!"
"TIL Lewis Black is still alive."
"Where do you go when you need a sperm donation? Sasha Grey's mouth"
"Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars?? Great food, horrible atmosphere."
"Coolest part of a space ship is the RADiator."
"What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk ? Dirty looks from the mouse !"
"""If I write something completely creepy under a girl's Facebook photo, maybe it WON'T be creepy if I end it with 'lol.'"" -guy logic"
"I carry tumbleweed so I can let it roll across the floor during awkward silences."