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Joke of the Day

"Why did they fire the contract lawyer with lazy eye? He was always dotting his T's and crossing his I's. (I made up this joke myself)"

"Who the hell does that in a sock?!? *squishes out of the room*"

"I've been working with NASCAR on redesigning the track for more variety, but it's tough I just can't seem to get it right"

"Maybe you never should have domesticated your peeves."

"When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face? When her mustache is on fire!"

"Chuck Norris checks his facebook on a typewriter."

"Pantsing people is fun but it sucks when you accidentally look deep into their butthole, thru the tip of their penis and out the other side."

"What is the best way to fuck a girl with no arms or legs? Throw her in a lake."

"I'm gonna buy some cheese and put it behind glass with a sign that reads ""In queso emergency, break glass"""

"I parked in the ""C"" section of the parking lot. So, naturally, I had to climb out of the sunroof."