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Joke of the Day
"The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself ""This changes everything."""
Next Joke
"Did you hear about the epileptic who won the dance contest? He only got up to get a drink."
"Boss: OMFG man what happened to ur eye? [cut to me riding a horse into the garage door during medieval role play] ""I ran into a door"""
"Every time I delete a selfie, I imagine the sound of a Gremlin being burned alive by the sunlight."
"What was wrong with the wooden car? It wooden go."
"30 seconds left on the microwave. Women: set table, pour drinks, tweet, talk on the phone. Men: do the space shuttle countdown."
"If you receive a text from Liam Neeson that says ""LMAO,"" it stands for ""let's murder Albanians overseas"" and he wants his daughter back."
"How many shrinks does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change."
"What's black and doesn't work? Half of London"
"Why is Thors bother so secretive? Because he tries to keep things Loki..."