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Joke of the Day

"Remember, I'm not an idiot...I just play one on-OH CRAP I'M ON FIRE! GUYS, HELP! I'M ON FIRE AGAIN! Oh wait...this is just an orange shirt."

"Jared Fogle likes his women how he likes his subs 6 and 12 (I know it's an old one)"

"[Olympic Swimming] CANADIAN ANNOUNCER: I feel bad for the water look how hard they're kicking it."

"What do a sprinkler and an unemployment line have in common? Spic-spic-spic-CHINK-nigga-nigga-nigga-spic-spic-spic-CHINK-nigga-nigga-nigga (say out loud at your own risk)"

"I got in from the pub and poured myself a glass of water. ""You're drunk, aren't you?"" said a disappointed voice behind me. ""What makes you say that, honey?"" I asked. She said, ""This isn't your house."""

"I'm doing interval training. It's just that the intervals are very far apart."

"We're an eclectic bunch here, but we all have one thing in common: We've sacrificed the chance to run for public office with these tweets."

"Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at 'Sporting Goods?' Because he likes Dick's better."

"What's great about Trumps' little hands? Objects may appear larger when being held."

"Don't beat your cock That little pecker might stand erect in spite of your firm grip and come to stick its beak in your big brown eyes."