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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a crazy bug on the moon? A luna-tick."

"""What's your view on lesbians?"" 1080p"

"I have diarrhea and constipation at the same time... basically, I cant shit... A LOT!"

"This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it."

"They should give the girls who don't get a rose on The Bachelor a cat."

"Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn't that funny anyway."

"I just found my old Nokia phone from 2003. It still has 87% battery life left."

"If his selfie doesn't make you kegal, you're just not that into him."

"How do you think the unthinkable? An Ithberg!"

"[First date] So what do you do for a living? ""I'm a florist"" WHY DON'T YOU LIKE THE FLOOR? WHAT HAS IT DONE TO YOU, IS IT BECAUSE IT'S LAVA?"