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Joke of the Day

"I'm drunk and ready to get retarded! Wait, that's not politically correct. I'm soberly-challenged and ready to get retarded!"

"I missed going to the gym today. So that's 20 years in a row now."

"How did Hitler tie his shoes? In little nazis. Oldie but still good."

"When I date single moms, I tell the kids ""I'm just trying to fill the hole left by your father;"

"""Wait, it wasn't us? Are you sure?"" - Fox News"

"What do you call a boner at an early morning funeral? Mourning wood"

"Was just complaining about Mondays. Then I thought, ""Wow. David Lee Roth would never do that."" So I shut up & finished my breakfast."

"How did Jesus get so ripped? By doing Crossfit"

"Home early. Wife : ""Why are u home so early?"" Hubby : ""My boss said go to hell!"""

"Have you heard the joke about the margarine? I'd tell it you but I prefer it unsaturated."