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Joke of the Day

"My dear, departed animal companion. Although no longer with me, your name is now immortalised as part of a password I use on many websites."

"Did you know you can tell what kind of area you're driving in by the bumps in the road? A few big bumps means you should probably slow down. Lots of little bumps means you're in a school zone."

"[Interview] Why do you want this job? Me: *opens briefcase* I don't. *pulls out Snickers* I just wanted to eat this without my kids around"

"I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, its still not enough."

"Doctor how do I stop my nose from running?! Stick your foot out and trip it up!"

"Well... the Earth just rotated 360 degrees on its axis. Let's call it a day."

"What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks? Milk and quackers."

"If they give you a bib for lobster, they should definitely give you a diaper for Indian food."

"Going to see the new batman tonight, heard it got killer reviews."

"Why do women wear panties with flowers on them? In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there."