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Joke of the Day

"I told her she has the most beautiful eyes and she started screaming... Apparently she doesn't like to be woken up by total strangers."

"What did the bartender ask Charles Dickens when he ordered a martini? Olive or Twist."

"A feminist and a reddit admin walk into a bar... Just kidding, they couldn't fit through the door."

"Buses are like pornstars... Nothing for an hour then they all cum at once."

"How many Sandpeople does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You never can tell. The Sandpeople always ride in single file to hide their numbers."

"Old one but still funny: Two Muffins are sitting in an oven... ... one muffin says to the other ""Damn its starting to get really hot in here."" The other one says, ""HOLY SHIT A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"""

"When Asian tourists ask me to take their picture for them; I always say, ""Okay let's do one more but this time don't squint"

"How do you get an 80 year old woman to say f***? Have another 80 year old woman yell ""bingo!"""

"how many kids with A.D.D does it take to screw in a light bulb? let's go ride bikes."

"Power Rangers taught me that the way to solve a problem is to pose in front of it aggressively until it explodes"