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Joke of the Day

"I bet there is just a lot of awkward silence after a mime orgy."

"I don't get why people say ""They were busting their ass""? Wasn't it already cracked to begin with?"

"I slipped in the shower and almost fell... Good thing my uncle caught me"

"Everyone is talking about how good this Mayweather is. I couldn't agree more; it's 75 and not a cloud in the sky."

"Brb taking my potted plant for a walk ""And that is tha sunshine, and this is another plant, you guys can't be friends he lives outside"""

"What do you call a reptile that can't grow its tail back? (_) ( _)>- (_) A Reptile Dysfunction."

"Why are redneck murders so hard to solve? Because all the DNA matches and there's no dental records."

"""Mom? Don't freak out, but I'm in the hospital..."" ""Jeremy, you've been a doctor for over 8 years now, please stop starting every phone conversation we have with that."""

"*cries over spilt milk* *cries under spilt milk* *cries adjacent to spilt milk* *cries immediately to the left of spilt milk* *cries diagona"

"Now that I'm 40, it's time to put aside childish things and be a man lol just kidding I'm drawing pictures of raccoons flying spaceships."