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Joke of the Day

"Boss:I need you to do something for me... Me:what? Boss:go on the jobcentre website and look for another job"

"What did the police do to the sweater? They pulled it over."

"[Speaking at funeral] We made it guys it's Friday"

"What happens when a Chinese man with a boner runs into a wall? He breaks his nose."

"Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your Random Party Pics' album at 4am."

"Um, I'm not ""complaining"" of chest pains *glares at paramedic* don't make this heart attack sound bratty"

"Always Drive Drunk That way, if you get into an accident, at least you are drunk."

"It must be almost impossible for chalk-outline guys not to turn victims' hands into turkeys this time of year."

"Signs a Woman Likes You: 1. Eye contact 2. Twirls her hair 3. Laughs at your jokes 4. Follows you 5. Keys your car 6. Kills you"

"Why don't you ever see three mexicans crossing the border at the same time? Because the signs say ""No trespassing"""