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Joke of the Day

"If I can punch you without moving my feet, you're in my personal space."

"What do you call a gigolo donkey? Hee-Haw"

"Lock myself in the bathroom for an hour and a half to get ready. Come out looking exactly the same, but my phone's at 9% and I have to pee."

"""Ok, what shall we call these skewers of food?"" STEVE: How about a Kasteve? BOB: I have a better idea"

"*gets down on 1 knee* OMG *puts 2nd knee down* WHAT? *lays on floor* JIM? *snake noises* WHAT ARE YOU DOING? *slithers out of relationship*"

"What is Hitler's favorite drink? genocider"

"Time Magazine lists the 140 best Twitter feeds. Maybe later my fax machine will list the best smartphones."

"Did you hear about the new Die Hard where Willis Infiltrates a Corrupt Nunnery? ""*Bad Habits Die Hard.*"""

"Yoou can lead a horse to water but you need a seahorse to continue your journey"

"English teachers put more thought into novels than the authors do."