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Joke of the Day

"Handsome Stranger: Excuse me, but you're.. Me: Gorgeous & you've been mustering up the courage to speak to me? HS: ..blocking the pickles."

"Why are pedophiles so annoying? they're just fucking immature assholes"

"How do NASA organize a party? They planet"

"That awkward moment when your phone auto-corrects ""I wanna do it"" to ""I wanna donut"" because it knows you're fat."

"My brother... Likes driving black and white F1 race cars. They call him the F1 racist."

"You know what's odd about those girls at Starbucks? They, like, literally can't, even."

"All these video games with epic orchestral music scores. Those concerned mums were right, there's way too much violins in video games."

"My boss asked if I had Facebook and I said sure and gave up the link. Then she asked about twitter. After an awkward silence I said, huh?"

"I just realized that my sex life is like my movie habits. I stick it in, lean back, and fall asleep halfway through."

"Who is the best player on the Texans? Watt WHO IS THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEXANS? Watt **WHO IS THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEXANS?**"