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Joke of the Day

"learn just enough tap dancing just to tap dance out of the room when you win an argument"

"One time the top popped off my blender when I was making a smoothie. So... Yeah Iceland, I get it."

"Why wasn't Jesus born in Mexico? Because they couldn't find a virgin or three wise men."

"What's worse than beating a dead horse? Shooting a live gorilla"

"I know a telegraph operator who was so bad he always had to send his messages again. He had a lot of remorse about that."

"When playing Fuck/Marry/Kill always ask yourself: will my ""marry"" be cool w/ me fucking & killing these other people?"

"Q: Why did the blonde fail her drivers licence ? A: She wasn't used to the front seat!"

"(Grabs store intercom) Would whoever dropped the list with ""pizza"" and ""wine"" on it in the cart come to the front? We need to be friends."

"Hey, everybody under 25 just shut up for like FIVE minutes."

"What did the candy say as they saw a group of intimidating crackers approach? Cheez It!"