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Joke of the Day

"""My place is a mess"" - Every girl, ever.... ""Well in that case, I'm not coming in"" - No guy, ever"

"Looking for someone willing to kill a man who has wronged me. Unfortunately I can't pay but would be good exposure for an emerging murderer"

"What do you call friendship between punctuation? Commaraderie"

"What is the first thing a cannibal does after dumping his girlfriend? He wipes his ass."

"optimists: the glass is half full. pessimists: the glass is half empty feminists: the glass is being raped"

"Lemonade Stand At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

"I think my car must be Jewish It always needs to be gassed."

"Hate it when I can't find my slippers so I have to stand upon the wings of my pet pterodactyl Benedict as he fetches me the morning paper"

"There's 2 types of people in this world... ....Those who know binary, and those who don't."

"What does gasoline taste like? I don't know, I'm in a coma."