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Joke of the Day

"R.I.P. the phrase ""I don't have an opinion on it."" Born 1550 - Died 2014"

"I'm going to be filing a complaint with the shampoo company... My girlfriend recently dumped me and this ""No Tears"" stuff isn't working at all."

"I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness."

"The difference between dates and prunes? You don't get laid after prunes (Courtesy of my date last night after I asked her this question seriously)"

"I love spending time with my step ladder. I've never known my real ladder."

"Dude... I was there, don't try to change the story."

"I also like my women like I like my coffee... ...cheaply imported from Brazil"

"my sex life is a lot like the bible mostly imaginary and with not much chance of a sequel"

"An emo and a leaf fall from a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first? The leaf. The emo is stopped by the rope."

"[Spain, 1578] ""I'm not a witch!"" But all the cats? ""My pets!"" The broom? ""For cleaning!"" The cauldron of boiling children? ""Ok I'm a witch."""