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Joke of the Day

"The softest type of toilet paper is cats."

"""Ok welcome to ask stupid questions club. Any questions?"" Is this ask stupid questions club? ""You're now the leader of this club"" What club?"

"My wife asked me why I was walking around the house with a gun I responded, ""Because of those fucking decepticons!"" I laughed. She laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster."

"Did you hear about the kidnapping today? He woke up though so it's okay."

"I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don't actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad."

"A girl approaches a guy... Girl: Do you drink? Guy: No. Girl: Do you do drugs? Guy: No. Girl: Do you watch porn? Guy: No. Girl: Then how do you have fun? Guy: I lie to people."

"Just been offered 8 legs of venison for $40 Is that too dear?"

"So apparently Richard III will remain in that parking lot they found him in. Because nobody can afford to pay his ticket."

"I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft."

"Its supposed to be drizzy today, so expect a lil wayne."