178467

Joke of the Day

"[me on my death bed after being trampled at a one direction concert] please tell people it was auto erotic asphyxiation"

"How many years before we forget if 9/11 was in '00 or '01? 15 or 16"

"My mum showed my girlfriend my baby photos. ""You haven't changed at all,"" said my girlfriend. ""Alright mum,"" I said, ""that's enough of the naked ones."""

"I have come up with the most awkward event of all time: the Father-Son wedding dance."

"How do you keep a retard in anticipation?"

"Hear about the lazy baker who wanted a pay increase? He rarely kneeded the dough."

"*checks WebMD* Holy crap, I need an ambulance! *checks insurance deductible* Nevermind, I'll just take a vitamin or something."

"I spent all night wondering where the sun went, but then it dawned on me..."

"The D word that everyone's been feeling at work is depression. I guessed the wrong word, apparently. Aaaaand there's HR calling me. Brb."

"How do most women like their eggs? Ovarie-z"