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Joke of the Day
"Ever had that feeling where you just want to jump right out of bed? Me neither."
Next Joke
"I bet Abraham Lincoln would rather go watch another play than watch this debate."
"By saying you want a sandwich after sex you're letting me know you suck at sex because you expect me to be able to walk afterwards."
"Why did the pervert cross the road? His dick was stuck in the chicken."
"My daughter asked me if opposite day is real. I said yes. Because, you know. Opposite."
"I went to a porn star's funeral yesterday... ...I woke up with mourning wood"
"What happens when you play a country song backwards? It sounds like shit"
"At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen."
"What do you call a nocturnal bird that likes both men and women? A bisexuowl. I'm sorry."
"Just got some good news from my financial planner ...she told me I'd only have to keep working 3 years after I die to afford my retirement."