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Joke of the Day

"Looking at cows in a field, how can you tell which one's on holiday? It's the one with the wee calf. (Think Scottish)"

"90s Kids won't get this either Smallpox"

"I read my kids a few select Facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, ""This is why we have to stay in school"""

"who gives a shit about how many spiders you eat when you're asleep? I'm worried about how many are getting into the other holes"

"Did you hear that the World Hokey Pokey Champion has died? At the undertakers, they were putting him into the coffin. They got his left leg in. That's when the trouble started..."

"You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams."

"Driving through a tunnel isn't much fun. It's really just a bore."

"Why are Americans so good at shooting? They have the best schools for it."

"What kind of Mechanics fix and break your car at the same time? Quantum Mechanics."

"My niece thinks she's more mature than me because she listens to Beethoven. His movies sucked plus why would I wanna listen to dog music?"