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Joke of the Day

"My wife just got breast implants made out of oak I don't think I could do that, I think it'd hurt, wooden tit?"

"I am a master ninja with my ability to hide silently when someone rings my doorbell."

"Party Questions by age 1-12: Will there be a Bouncy House? 17-20: Will there be alcohol? 22-27: Theres no kids right? 30+ Who's bday is it?"

"Hey people who cold call my cell phone: I've got a better way for you to make money with your mouth."

"What's a pirate's favorite bomb? The tsARRR bomba."

"My wife.... ""Thanks to my wife I am now a millionaire!"" ""Wow that's great!"" ""I was a billionaire..."""

"One day my kids will find a ""We're Closed"" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda."

"What is the common point between spinach, and Sodomey? Even with butter, children still do not like it."

"WIFE: Let's role-play ME: OK W: U be a teacher *I get up & leave* W: Where u going? M: Do u have ANY idea how much paperwork I've got to do?"

"A woman walks into a bar. She asks the bartender for a double entendre, and the bartender gives it to her."