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Joke of the Day

"Egypt. Palin. Walmart. Facebook. KE$HA. Bieber. Typos. Snow. Zombies. Superpowers. FFs. Your mom. Boom, I just won Twitter."

"Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?"

"We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next Twenty-four years telling them to sit down and shut up!"

"What do you get when you cross a millipede with a parrot? A Walkie Talkie"

"A hobo and a goat are hiking up a small mountain. Who is the hill-billy?"

"A Swedish software company has created a new app that records and analyzes what you say during sleep. You can tell the app is working when it's mad at you the whole next day."

"The Lost Bet by Henrietta Hart"

"A Dirty Limerick (NSFW) There once was a girl named Betty, That said that she loved confetti, So I shot my man-goo, Through a fan where it blew, And sprayed her white as a yeti"

"A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap The psychiatrist says ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts."""

"Why is a man's pee yellow, and his sperm white? So he can tell if he's coming or going."