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Joke of the Day

"My gay friend rolled a joint for me. Fruit roll-up."

"I was making breakfast, then ""She's a maniac"" came on the radio... Everything is a blur. Why am I so tired? Why am I in this steel factory?"

"A moment of silence for the fat friend in a group of girls who can't jump high enough to be in the ""mid air"" beach picture :("

"GUY #1: You free next week? GUY #2: Let me just check my dairy. GUY #1: You mean diary yeah? *cow walks by with ""dentist 11.30"" on it*"

"Walk up in the club like ""hey do you have to buy anything to use the bathroom?"""

"Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that."

"My toddler found a bottle of Axe body spray I got as a free sample, and now she's wearing a Tapout T-shirt and calling everyone ""bro."""

"How did the Scarecrow win the award? He was outstanding in is field."

"what would Netflix even do if i sent them back a DVD of me doing karate they'd have no choice but to add it to their collection i suppose"

"Did you hear that Napoleon broke the Sphinx's nose with a singe shot? It was a one-hit wonder. I'll show myself out."