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Joke of the Day

"What doesn't belong: meat, eggs, wife, blowjob? Answer: blowjob You can beat your meat, eggs and wife but you cant beat a blowjob!"

"[Vegan Conference] Announcer: While we await our key speaker, please talk among yourselves Vegan: I'm a vegan Vegan2: I'm also a vegan"

"What did the policeman say to his stomach? ""You're under a vest!"""

"According to HR, white people aren't issued a race card, and they'd appreciate if I went back to my desk. *shrugs*"

"School in US would be 10 times easier if we use metric system, 12 times harder if we don't."

"I used to be schizophrenic... but now we're ok."

"Did you know if a person farts too much their ass turns blue! It's from the methane, just look at Uranus!"

"First world problems: ""My fingers are frozen! I can't type!"" Third world problems: ""My fingers are frozen! I'll have to amputate them!"""

"Why don't lobsters share? Because they're shellfish..."

"Every woman is wrong until she starts crying... Then she's right."