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Joke of the Day

"I need professional help. A chef and a butler should do it."

"Hotel coffee is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water."

"Why did Hugh Jackman single handedly stop a Franciscan botanist from accidentally dropping a match in the forest? Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

"Yo mama so fat she uses the interstate as a slip and slide."

"Why did the USAS with frag rounds fall over? Because it was... imbalanced."

"An M&M for 50 cent!? That's Ludacris!"

"What song did Scar sing when he fixed his car horn? Beep Repaired I'll show myself out."

"Having sex with a pregnant woman is like putting gas in a car that you've already wrecked. That's why I pull into the self serve"

"[5 year old tugs on pant leg] Daddy if time stops at the speed of light then photons aren't actually moving, so is everything we see a lie?"

"I wanted to tell an NSA joke... But I feel like they've heard them all before."