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Joke of the Day

"I'm sick of these people turning up at my door, telling me they're my saviours and if I don't listen I'll burn. Fucking firemen."

"Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: Who just threw that? Boy: Me and I'm going home now."

"I am man. Hear me ask my wife for permission to roar."

"Why do they call P.M.S , P.M.S ? Because Mad Cow disease was already taken."

"Today, I got lit, went to Denny's, ordered a t-bone & eggs, and scarfed it all down... I guess you could say... it was a ""high-steaks"" scenario."

"How many hookers does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know, but my basement's still dark"

"My new american football video game has so many glitches. It's really maddening"

"Why can't you see Hippos hiding in trees? Because they're good at it."

"Fancy coming back to mine for a few shots ? Fuck off Oscar, I'm not falling for that one!"

"""Arise! Arise! Foul creatures, I command that you arise! ARISE!"" ""Dad, just once, couldn't you let mom or the alarm clock wake us?"" ""ARISE!"""