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Joke of the Day

"I thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I'm in NJ"

"Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dickhead, I can let you know about it."

"Seeing Kenya on a map is like seeing a pussy for the first time. It's lower than I thought it was."

"The steak pun... ...a rare medium, sometimes well done."

"So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? ""Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry."""

"Q: Did you hear they put two new faces on Mt. Rushmore? A: Yeah they were Bill Clinton."

"If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss."

"Pranks I think pranks are incredibly immature. They're such a childish way to interact with your friends and family. Why would anyone...lol jk! Gotcha, I love pranks!"

"Beer commercials really overestimate how many attractive people live in my apartment building."

"Most effective way to remember your wife's Birthday Question : What is the most effective way to remember your wife's Birthday? Answer: Just forget it once and you will never forget it again. :D"